Now, speaking of people who look good in makeup, I need to address a situation we have with another blog. The blogger is named Doug, and he looks great in makeup. I know this, because he is a hot lady.
See how hot Doug is?
The other day I received an e-mail from Doug in which he confessed that all he really wishes is that he can someday "grow four inches," putting him at a penis-total of six inches. He also linked me to his blog, where he, oddly enough, slandered my good name by indicating that I was the one with the tiny penis! You can read the blog post in question here, and you really ought to. It's funny, although also wildly inaccurate.
Anyway, as you all can see, Doug wants to have a blog duel with me to prove his manhood. But, the thing is, I'm already proud of all three inches that God gave me, and I don't need to lie by telling people that I have an "average or above average" penis size. It's small, but it gets the job done. "Three Inches of Thunder," I call it.
Mrs. Obama addresses a curious crowd, explaining that
"Doug's dong is this big. Literally."
Tom Cruise describes the Charles wang, saying, "it's tiny,
but it's bigger than Doug's..."
I will duel Doug. Because it is the right thing to do, as a southern gentleman. And because I believe, as I told Doug in an e-mail reply, that it will be basically a blog-re-enactment of the Hamilton v. Burr duel. You know, the one where Hamilton shot into the air like a wiener because he didn't want to kill Burr, and Burr shot Hamilton in the stomach, fatally wounding him, because he was a man? For history on that duel, read up here on Wikipedia.
The thing is, though, that I don't know how a blog duel should actually work. So I am appealing to the readers of In Review to come up with an idea here. Doug, if you are reading this, did you have something particular in mind? Let me know. I am at a loss here.
So that about wraps it up for now. Can you all let me know what you think? Thanks in advance.
P.S. The gentleman who submitted the guest blog from my previous post was thrilled to see that you guys enjoyed his work. Maybe he could enthrall us with another story of Sammy The Sperm again some day.
P.P.S. I promise I am going to get that second guest blog out to you guys as soon as I have some more free time to get it situated in blog format. It's going to be cool. Trust me. It will expand your mind. It did mine.