Now, speaking of people who look good in makeup, I need to address a situation we have with another blog. The blogger is named Doug, and he looks great in makeup. I know this, because he is a hot lady.
See how hot Doug is?
The other day I received an e-mail from Doug in which he confessed that all he really wishes is that he can someday "grow four inches," putting him at a penis-total of six inches. He also linked me to his blog, where he, oddly enough, slandered my good name by indicating that I was the one with the tiny penis! You can read the blog post in question here, and you really ought to. It's funny, although also wildly inaccurate.
Anyway, as you all can see, Doug wants to have a blog duel with me to prove his manhood. But, the thing is, I'm already proud of all three inches that God gave me, and I don't need to lie by telling people that I have an "average or above average" penis size. It's small, but it gets the job done. "Three Inches of Thunder," I call it.
Mrs. Obama addresses a curious crowd, explaining that
"Doug's dong is this big. Literally."
Tom Cruise describes the Charles wang, saying, "it's tiny,
but it's bigger than Doug's..."
I will duel Doug. Because it is the right thing to do, as a southern gentleman. And because I believe, as I told Doug in an e-mail reply, that it will be basically a blog-re-enactment of the Hamilton v. Burr duel. You know, the one where Hamilton shot into the air like a wiener because he didn't want to kill Burr, and Burr shot Hamilton in the stomach, fatally wounding him, because he was a man? For history on that duel, read up here on Wikipedia.
Anyway, the duel will look like this:
The thing is, though, that I don't know how a blog duel should actually work. So I am appealing to the readers of In Review to come up with an idea here. Doug, if you are reading this, did you have something particular in mind? Let me know. I am at a loss here.
So that about wraps it up for now. Can you all let me know what you think? Thanks in advance.
P.S. The gentleman who submitted the guest blog from my previous post was thrilled to see that you guys enjoyed his work. Maybe he could enthrall us with another story of Sammy The Sperm again some day.
P.P.S. I promise I am going to get that second guest blog out to you guys as soon as I have some more free time to get it situated in blog format. It's going to be cool. Trust me. It will expand your mind. It did mine.
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20 comments:
Simplest way to do it would be to lob virtual insults at each other across the interwebs but that doesn't seem to interesting.
Maybe lobbing virtual compliments? one liners? self sob stories? non-gay man love notes?
I think the commenters can be the judges. Tough to be objective since each blogger's regular followers will be pimping their guy.
With that... kick his ass Charles.
SD
http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/
Photos perhaps, with a matchbox for scale??
Although I am sure you would win.
I've had a number of facebook fights....so maybe by default I can give you some advice...issue the invitation, the insult, as you did, and use the comments section for your rebuttals. keep it on one thread....so everyone can follow easily. I LOVE FB fighting....blog fighting should be a blast - I'm looking forward to it....
You look way hotter in make up Charles and as you say, you have a bigger dick than Doug so naturally you have already won. Sorry Doug...
And thanks for mentioning my blog. You so deserve the award!
Have a great week,
The Empress
http://rantersbox.blogspot.com
TELL DOUG THAT YOU'RE A GROWER NOT A SHOW-ER! I BET HIS TWO INCHES IS ALL HE'S GOT EVEN AFTER THE GROWER STAGE.
You both draw funny stuff. Have a funny-stuff drawing contest.
hmmmm...a truly 21st Century duel is an intriguing prospect. I did actually read Doug's blog and I wondered why it is that despite his admitted inferiority he issues a challenge to you? Is it perhaps that he thinks that on the odd chance he wins he will be somehow less inferior? Or does he like the concept of getting his ass whooped? The wonders of the world never cease... I don't have suggestions as to how you should conduct the duel though...why not a good old gunfight though?...but I do know that you Charles will duel with the dignity and impartiality of an angel and the rigor of a devil...hehehe
Even when I'm having the most rotten of rotten Mondays, your blog manages to make me laugh. I applaud you, sir, and this "Doug" person, who had a hand in making me laugh when I read his blog. I don't know if having a wife is necessarily better than having a girlfriend: all he has is a piece of paper. But that's my opinion. (Maybe I'm just too female to see it, but I couldn't see anywhere in his blog where he vaguely hinted at or flat out said your penis was smaller than his. Enlighten me, someone? Or is this a "reading between the lines" thing?)
Sadly, I have no opinion to offer as far as a blog duel goes. I've never read a blog duel before, I didn't even know they existed, so I haven't the foggiest idea how one would go about having a duel. However, I look forward to reading the duel and am prepared to laugh a great deal when it finally comes to fruition.
Also, it's nice to know that the First Lady is on your side. It bodes well for a victory in your favor. But if you lose, you have no one to blame but yourself because you ignored his e-mail. (Or he seems to think you did. Maybe you replied and it got lost in the Interwebz? Or maybe he said absolutely nothing worth responding to and you felt justified in ignoring it. I am inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt.)
You two homos should hold each others hands and do other homo stuff.
You can write each other love poetry. Wax romantically about the gloss in one anothers' hair.
make love videos where you each declare non-dying love for one another.
Or just send poop to each other in the mail.
"Three Inches of Thunder" fucking epic... and what is doug thinking...i say blog duel to the death!
haha this is funny because I also gave you the blog award: http://pragmatismisawesome.blogspot.com
Anyways as for the blog duel.. I think you should battle it out Annah style and draw the best picture you can depicting your wang on MS Paint. Whoever does the best drawing according to vote wins.
ha ha "three inches of thunder" = awesome post!
I suggest a duel of wit! Zing one liners back and forth, or do something entirely not like that... who knows. You had me cracking up with the celebrity "this big" pics :-) Great blog!
i got an idea. well frankly the idea of a blog battle seems silly to me. i think this guy is just tryin' to leech off your famosity and troll you, etc. so how about you find out where this guy lives... shit in a box, and then mail it to him. then once it has arrived do a blog writeup about it (but make sure not to post too early and spoil the surprise). then permanently ignore further contact. that's what i'd do anyhow.
Mr. Charles Emerson: As fascinating as your speculation about my wiener size is to read, I notice that you have not yet chosen your mode of conflict.
Stalling perhaps?
Cheese is whining. Kick his ass or something.
Looking forward to the new guest. And to further discussions of your penis.
I mean...his penis.
Yes,that's what I meant.
*cough*
- B x
Might I suggest a good old fashioned pissing contest? However, size does matter in a pissing contest (let's not lie, size ALWAYS matters), so Charles, you'll obviously have an advantage. But considering the slurs being thrown regarding man parts, I believe this to be fair.
P.S. stop hating on Hamilton. The man got his face on the $20 bill, which is more than I can say for Aaron Burr. Who the hells knows who Aaron Burr is anyway?!
I actually just found your blog via an entry by the Empress (The Ranter's Box). Your blog really has the sort of title I can get behind and support. (I don't mean that in a literal way either, thankfully.)
I think you should have a sword fight with your penis' and post a video of it and then we can judge then. But I do have faith in u.
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