Sorry about the blogging hiatus. 'Round here we've been inundated with reading for school, finishing reading "Game Change" for personal pleasure, travelling to Utah, and other things.
I'll jump right into this, though...
I'm in class today. The class is Western Civilization, from 1650 until today. Our teacher's a bit eccentric. That is to say that our teacher is a card carrying member of the communist party, who in some disgusting cliche, some obtuse parody of what he wished he could have been, mentions daily that he lived in the "sixties", as if that were some kind of special qualification.
You lived in the 1960's? No shit?! With the small size of the baby boomer population, you must be totally fucking unique, right Mr. Merry-Prankster-Has-Been? My God, I don't think I know anyone else who ever lived in the "sixties". I certainly don't know anyone else who ever experimented with illicit psychoactive drugs or had revolutionary ideas about American society. Please, let me shower you with awe, kind sir.
You are a national treasure. You are just like the Beatles and Hunter Thompson.
Back to reality, with a news flash: Hunter Thompson couldn't finish a single fucking written work without The Rolling Stone sending him some kind of literate aid to essentially write the shit for him because he was too drunk to even slam the fucking keys on the typewriter, and the Beatles are the most overrated musical act of their time.
For good drunk writers, stick with Bukowski. For good baby boomer music, stick with the Stones.
I digress. Mr. Prankster-Has-Been was late today, if only to propagate his persona as a brilliant Bohemian somebody/nobody. While we waited for him to arrive, I listened in on the conversations of the students around me. Nothing makes me want to have my head bitten off by a mutant rabbit more than listening to people between the ages of 18 and 23 talk to eachother.
A loud girl with a Chicago-style accent was telling a guy with a pink and green neon backpack and one of these...
... that she lives in Boulder and that she loves it, but that it's too expensive, and blah blah blah. She proceeded to tell him/everyone-around-her that she works at Cheeba Hut (a marijuana themed sandwich restaurant, for the uninitiated) on "The Hill" in Boulder. She said that it sucked, but it had it's advantages, like being able to get "...high and crunk all day long, while working."
Did you use the word "crunk"??
What is wrong with these people? When I heard her say it, I glanced up to see if those around her would stare her down derisively for using what amounts to an MTV marketing/hip-hop buzzword as part of her daily lexicon. I waited... and waited...
The necessary glaring never happened. They all laughed and seemed to agree that it would be ok for the media machine to define the way we speak through (terrible) brain dead, misogynistic rappers like Li'l Jon, or who-the-fuck-ever these assholes are.
Piss on Li'l Jon. I hope he goes crunk driving and wraps his car up around a telephone pole, sending blood and dreadlocks flying everywhere.
Crunk may not be dead, Mr. Jon, but we would all be
better off if you were.
Again... I digress.
As the vacuum of intellect in the room assailed my (extremely fragile) mental equilibrium, dragging me in and out of some kind of hellish-dreamscape-unconsciousness, I heard the same big mouthed girl say something about being like "Snookie". I thought, as I have before when I have heard this term: "what the fuck is a Snookie?"
The nature of this blog post is at least two-fold: to explain to you guys what I think "Snookie" could possibly mean, and to ask you humbly to explain to me yet another pop-culture phenomenon that has escaped me until the last minute.
Here we go.
Possible Snookie Definition #1:
n. any "funk" or "gunk" residing conspicuously on one's body
Synonymous with "schmutz".
The arrows indicate the snookie.
-Charles, you have a little snookie on your face. Here, wipe it off with this napkin.
-Mustard, as a snookie, can be dangerous, as it is a potent skin staining agent.
-The actress Angelina Jolie loves nothing more than to be covered in loads and loads of hot snookie.
This is a possible definition just because I think it sounds right. Try it out, dear reader. Say "Charles, you have a little snookie on your face" out loud right now and you will agree, this is a good guess as to the definition of this word.
Possible Snookie Definition #2:
n. a new brand of cookie marketed to children and shaped like snakes
Snake + Cookie = Snookie. Am I right?
-I could really go for a chocolate chip snookie right about now.
-On Christmas eve this year, we plan on leaving milk and snookies out for Santa.
-Why, Billy?!? Why did you feed me poisoned snookies?! I'll see you in hell you... you... *gurgles out last breath*.
Possible Snookie Definition #3:
v. to blow-dry one's testicles post-shower, and immediately use a liberal application of baby powder on said testicles
Me, snookying away.
You guys remember this post, here, in which I explained how to blow-dry and baby powder your nuts in order to avoid "Yoda Balls", right? Well, I didn't have a good word for the entire process itself. Perhaps my (dad's) idea has caught on in such a big way that it has become part of pop-culture at large, and has been named "snookying".
-Since I started snookying, I have had perfect day after perfect day. My whole world just gets better and better.
-When snookying, it is important to use a baby powder product that will not be carcinogenic if introduced to a woman's uterus.
-Honey, you smell disgusting. Why don't you snookie anymore? You used to when we were first going out....
Possible Snookie Definition #4:
adj. being particularly ugly, either physically or ideologically
This one makes sense just because I don't have any affinity for the kind of people I have seen talking about snookie in passing. Well, I guess it doesn't actually make sense. I'm just associating the word with the people using it most frequently.
-I can't decide who is more snookie... is it Al Gore, or Elena Kagan? They are both so snookie it makes my eyes burn.
-The snookiness inherent in the resistance to the "Park 51" Cordoba House Project is readily apparent to anyone not advocating a theocratic American government.
-I have a huge snookie-ass boil growin' on my leg.
I'm sorry... I had to do it again.
Possible Snookie Definition #5:
n. some horrible anal hair of a woman who has attained fame and fortune by degrading herself and all other women in the world, effectively relegating herself and all of her fans to a backwoods, archaic understanding of sex, intellect, and cultural norms
Synonymous with: prostitute; whore; average celebrity in 2010; Justin Beiber
I find this definition most likely. This is the definition I am betting on, and is clearly the most realistic option from what I have deduced through context. If this is an accurate definition of snookie, then a pox on all snookies. A horrible pox. A crippling, deforming pox.
Some snookies of note.
-I like living in a trailer that is part household, part meth lab, and I am proud that my kids will grow up to be tremendous snookies.
-It boggles the mind that people watch all these snookie-centric television shows.
-The difference between a snookie like Lady GaGa and a legitimate professional prostitute is that a professional prostitute is not lying to every one of her customers, and she is not actively advocating for millions of young women to join in her profession.
Alright. That's it folks. I don't know what a snookie is, but I'd like for you guys to let me know what you think of my definitions. If you don't know what a snookie is, which of my definitions do you find to be most likely correct? Or do you have some definition of your own that you could offer? If you do know what a snookie is, would you let me know? I hate being out of the loop, and I feel that it will be easier for me to interact with my fellow American youth with this information under my belt.
Thanks for putting up with this raving and ranting.
I need to go take a huge snookie. Until next time...