In Review: Twilight (From Julia)

HI GUYS!

Well, as you can tell from the title of this post, my name is Julia.  I live in Longmont (where Charles lives) and I LUV IT!  lolz

I met Charles at the mall the other day.  I was just chillin' wit' my friends, eatin' some TCBY, when I noticed that Charles was looking at me from the nearby taco stand.  When I first saw him, I thought he was dressed kind of weird... I mean, he didn't have on one of these:

or one of these...

So I was thinkin', like... "what the eff is with this guy?  He could be hawt if he knew that it's cool for all of us to dress the same.  He could be cool if he knew that neon colors are totally bomb and that there is a new shoe brand called "Converse" that has never been used before to represent a flamboyant movement towards a monosexual society, and that they are awesome.  This guy really needs to get scene".

But he wasn't cool at all.  He was dressed like a weirdo.  He had some like... shirt with buttons all the way down the front and long sleeves.  He had his collar popped up in the air for some reason, and me and my friends could see almost his entire chest because the shirt was halfway un-done.

News flash, Charles.  There is only one kind of shirt, for girls or guys.  A neon or black t-shirt with a kitschy print or band logo on it.  For girls, it's worn billowy, and for guys it's worn tight.  And get some skinny jeans, would you?!?

Then I noticed that Charles was not just looking at me.  He was kind of scowling at me.  And then he was smirking.  He looked something like this:

What a freak!

I figured he was just totally diggin' on my cool clothes.  A lot of people have that look on their face when they are lookin' at mah stylz.  I looked like this:

You can't get much cooler than this.

ANNNYYYWAAAYYY.... Charles finally walked over and started talking to me, stupid shirt and all, and askin' me about MY shirt.  Maybe he had a little emo/scene in him after all, I thought.  But it turned out not to be true.  He could just tell from my shirt that I really LUV Twilight and everything related to it.  I'm serious, you guys.  It's like... my FAVORITE effin' thing ever.  OMG.  OMG.

Charles told me that he writes a blog, and that he wanted to get some different perspectives about the book to publish online.  He asked me to e-mail him a review of Twilight, and so I did.  I wrote the review while I was listening to the newest Justin Bieber album, so I was even EXTRA happy while I was writing it.  (Don't let the razor wounds throw you off.  I am VERY happy to be alive.  The therapist at school sez I was just "going through a phase" or something, and now that I'm on Ritalin and Prozac and one other pill (I can't remember the name), I feel comfortable being just like everyone else.)

So here's the four-one-one from the three-oh-three on "Twilight".  I seen the movie first.  My mom always says "it's better to see the movie first.  If you like the movie, then you can consider reading the book.  But books take up a LOT of time..." So I saved up my allowance for two weeks and me and a bunch of my scene friends went to go see it in the theaters.  I was purty scared at first, 'cause I don't normally like vampires and monsters and stuff, but WOW.  This movie ROCKED MY SOCKS!  I was instantly in LUV with Edward, or "Eduardo" as my and my friends call him, as a joke.

Eduardo almost makes me wish I hadn't taken that

purity oath at church.  But Pastor Dave is right...

it's better to wait for s-e-x.

I immediately called up my friend Sarah, who had some of the Twilight books.  I asked her if I could borrow the first one.  (Since dad left us, we haven't had a lot of money for books and things like that.  Mom gets some welfare and some charity from Pastor Dave, but she says "God has a plan for us"... even though she hasn't applied for a job anywhere.)  Sarah brought the book right over, and her and I spent a wholesome afternoon listening to Muse and Justin Bieber, and reading the first part of the book.

Four weeks later, after reading pretty much non-stop, I had finished the book.  It was AWWWEEESOOME!  I laughed and I cried the whole way through it.  I was getting kind of worried though, because I sure was getting a lot of unclean thoughts and feelings while reading it.  But the girl in the book, Bella (luv that name) seemed so nice and so sweet that I thought "if she feels that way about Edward, than it can't possibly be offensive to the Lord for me to feel that way". LOLZ.

I have to tell y'all that this book is the most important one you will ever read.  It's just written so good, and stuff.  Like, I couldn't wait to find out what would happen next the whole time.  I loved all of the people in Edward's family.  Especially Alice.  I would love to be her, being able to see the future and to see if some boy is finally going to notice my cool hair cut and ask me to a dance or something.

For real... you have to get this book or borrow it or whatever you have to do.  I missed, like, a BUNCH of episodes of "So You Think You Can Dance" to read this book cover to cover, and I NEVER miss episodes of "Dance".  Not for homework or anything.  Mama sez "Julia, you can do your homework later.  It's time for our mother-daughter time, an' there gonna be some HAWTIEZ on "Dance" tonight".

I know, I know.  I didn't think anything could beat "Dance" either.

In conclusion, let me just say that this is the most I have ever written in one spot before.  I think I am going to show all my friendz the link to this blog post, 'cause I am really proud of it.  And I am really proud that I read a book as thick as "Twilight" all the way through.  I give the book six "awesome emo haircuts".  This is on a reviewing scale of zero to five "awesome emo haircuts".  That's right.  It blew the lid off of the ratingz scale.  

Ok guys it's time for me to go.  Get Twilight.  Know the sexiness of Edward.  Know the riveting story that is without a doubt the best book ever written ever ever.  

Or if you can't find the time to read the whole thing, you can just watch the movie.  It's just as good.

And tell Charles to get some Converse and some skinny jeans!  Doesn't he know that the only way to express his individuality is by being exactly like someone else who is expressing THEIR individuality?  We don't want to see your little tiny bit of chest hair right beneath your goofy lookin' popped collar, you silly boi!  DANGIT!  Lolz.  Omg.  Bye.  

Love.