Comin' In Hot

I am not too happy about this one, so I am just going to get straight to the part where I start calling people names.

The men and women and organizations involved in the TLC television program "Toddlers & Tiaras" are absolutely the most vacuous, vile and disgusting type of people in the world.  100% human refuse.

Are you familiar with this television program?  Let me give you the rundown on this shit:

Toddlers & Tiaras, the world's foremost public display juvenile prostitution training program, debuted in 2009.  The show is a "reality TV" series that follows families on the child beauty pageant circuit.  The majority of the mothers appearing on the show seem to have no self-respect left, and are likely the victims of at least a couple of severely debilitating psychological disorders.  The fathers, when they appear, seem to be the dead-beat type who only stay with their current disgusting excuse for a wife because they know that they would never do any better if they left.

I have seen almost an entire episode of this show.  You know how people liken certain experiences to a car crash?  They say it was "so terrible, but I couldn't turn away".  Well, my experience watching the portion of "Toddlers" that I caught recently was similar, but more like watching... I don't know... the start of the apocalypse.  It's terrible, and it makes you want to cry, and you feel like life for everyone has immediately lost all of it's meaning, so there's no reason to do anything else but to keep watching.

I felt immediately drained.  I felt, watching this show, as though someone had repeatedly hit me in the nuts with one of those SWAT team door smashers.

Do you want to feel this good?  Tune into the next episode of "Toddlers & Tiaras" and you will.

As some of you know, I don't actually have cable at the homestead.  Jera and I were at my mother's house when we saw this.  Jera felt the same way as above, except that she clearly does not have testicles of any kind.  My mother was also disgusted.

Anyway, during the course of this terrible show, these parents managed to fuck their poor innocent girls up in the following ways:

1. Making them wear strip tease outfits.

2. Making them dance strip tease dances.

3. Getting false teeth for their children because their little girls' real teeth were "not good enough".

4. Letting their four-year-old daughter consume multiple Red Bull energy drinks in one sitting.

5. Failing to discipline the little girls at all when they went off on the inevitable tantrums that a psychologically scarred child will.  One mother said, of her daughter's TERRIBLE on camera behavior: "Oh, she's my little diva".

6. Teaching their daughters that they are a piece of meat, before MTV or standard Hollywood fare even have a chance to.

7. Teaching their daughters that external beauty is everything.

It's really REALLY bad, people.  Child welfare services should be called on all of these parents.  In fact, all of the parents and the producers of this show ought to be dragged forcefully into the streets to stand and defend themselves in a harsh, military style tribunal.  When they are all found guilty of degrading children and degrading women in a way that only Lady Gaga can top, they ought to all have some horrible punishment inflicted upon them.  For instance: their daughters ought to be taken away from them forever, and they all should be strapped to chairs in front of a huge television screen with their eyelids propped open a'la "A Clockwork Orange".  The screen would play Shia LaBeouf movies on a loop from here until eternity.  About three hours in, all of them would be screaming for an end to it all.  

Shia LaBeouf: Not quite an "actor".  Not quite a "person".  He fits right in in Hollywood.

This probably all sounds pretty harsh, but I am seriously offended to an unbelievable extent by this television program.  TLC should change their name from "The Learning Channel" to "The Let's-All-Resign-Ourselves-To-A-Total-Lack-Of-Culture-Or-Intelligence-From-Here-On-Out Channel".  These bastards are evil.  They have created a show whose target demographic are the already weak of mind, those people who have no souls, and pedophiles.

I don't have anything against the sex trade.  I feel that prostitution should be legalized and that the health of any workers in the industry ought to be closely monitored by some kind of medical agency.  And I don't try to moralize around here TOO much... but to me there is something WRONG with anyone who would deliberately dress their child like a prostitute at the age of four or five years old, and parade them in front of a crowd of people so that they might be JUDGED on things like their makeup, hair, outfits, and "dance presentation".  I cannot possibly imagine that child having an easy time growing up to be a self-actualized modern woman who knows that she doesn't have to be relegated into the realm of second class citizenry by a backwards and magnificently dark concept of self based on sex and looks.

This IS offensive... right?  I don't mean to be a stick in the mud... so please tell me if I am wrong.

I was happy to read this story, in which apparently one of these degenerate mothers got into some trouble and lost her day-care license as a result of, partially, the way she behaved on camera during a shooting of "Toddlers & Tiaras".  But that is not enough.  These people should be stopped.

You owe it to yourself to watch fifteen minutes of this show.  It is almost guaranteed to angry up the blood and make you think twice about what the hell is really going on in this country today.

Women's and children's advocacy groups should be beating down the doors at the "TLC" headquarters, demanding blood.

Or, of course, there's always the chance that I am wrong.  What say you, reader?  Is this a sign that our culture is slipping violently and rapidly into a state of irreversible decline?  Or is this just "TV that sells" and "mothers having fun with their daughters"?

Let me know.  Love.