I have joined the ranks of the unemployed, not by my own choice. I have spent most of the week writing here and there, although I have felt very little motivation to blog. I've been on a couple of fun bike rides. Read some. But otherwise, I've just been going out of my mind with sheer panic and paranoia. I'm trying my hardest to let go and enjoy my time. Trying to stay centered. Trying not to think about money.
Or I was trying to stay centered... until this fuckin' shit happened:
Again:
That's right, ladies and gentlemen. My phone has a crack in the screen.
Words cannot begin to describe how angry I am about this shit. I LOVE this phone. It's been through some shit before, and it was just fine. A bit scratched, to be sure, and the silver trim around the side was starting to lift a little bit from the white plastic portion of the phone, but it was holding up relatively well. I haven't even had this god damn piece of monkey shit for a year yet. Let me describe to you how this happened.
Yesterday I was driving around shit town (aka Boulder Colorado), and I dropped o' girl off at her class on the "Hill" (a congregating place for people who's life dream it is to give Al Gore a blow-job while Ralph Nader plays the pan flute in the same room for mood music). I looked at the phone. It was fine. So I drove off to somewhere where I could possibly get a coffee. I pull up to a Starbucks and I go to unplug the phone from the car stereo and, low and behold: there's a huge goddamn crack in the screen! Nothing even HAPPENED! FUCK! The only explanation I can think of is that the sun heated the screen up just enough that it expanded slightly causing it to crack. I hate the sun enough already. It's hotter than shit out. But now this fuckin' floating ball of gas, this giant goddamn natural fusion reactor has broken my phone.
I loved this phone. I feel heartbroken. I can think of few scenarios that could have been worse than this. Perhaps a relapse into active drug addiction. The outbreak of World War III. NPR going bankrupt.... but aside from things on that order of shittiness, this pretty much tops it.
Unemployment was bad. Unemployment plus a cracked iPhone screen makes me want to choke a kitten.
I just don't know what to do. I was going to call FEMA, since this does constitute a major disaster, but I figure that they will just try to put me into one of their concentration camps. (I'm kidding... I like conspiracy theories, but anyone who believes the FEMA camps are concentration camps is an idiot. It's common knowledge that Obama and his cohorts are housing the enslaved whites in an underground base hidden somewhere near Albequerque, just like Bush housed many notable non-Christians down there a few years earlier.)
The phone would cost $500 dollars or some ridiculous amount to replace outright. It's horse-shit. This phone is not worth that much. AT&T has us all by the nuts. And Steve Jobs has signed off on all of my pain and misery. Buddhist my ass. Jobs is a sadist at best.
Anyway, the phone still funtions perfectly. It just has this fuckin' crack in it that is quickly driving a crack into the shell of whatever sanity I had left. If you care to donate to the "Charles Emerson Unemployment and iPhone Relief Fund", shoot me an e-mail. I'll take a check or cash. Whatever.
9 comments:
oh neesus. i am sorry that happened!
that sucks.
if i had spare money - i'd gladly donate, but i don't.
i hope you at least get unemployment???
I just passed the one-year mark of unemployment. It's too amazing to be depressing, at this point.
margo: yeah it sucks. thanks for your sympathy.
barbara: i will be getting unemployment and it's with "job attached" so i won't have to hustle for a new job.... i will get to spend my summer writing and mountain biking and maybe doing some volunteer work.
david: on the surface unemployment does indeed look like a pretty sweet deal.... but there's just the issue of the money. i have a book that i've been working on that is nearing completion so maybe that will change things for me.
I know how you feel about the phone. I recently broke the sceen on mine also, was pissed for two days, even though I bought the insurance policy to replace it, which I have not cause I moved to where they do not provide service, it still pissed me off, and take the time to enjoy your summer and quit being a dick, you will get what you need. All it takes is a little faith and some acceptance.
Iphones are dumb
listen here, goat-fucker: you suck! how could you be so cruel?!
So sorry to hear about being unemployed. Join the club...glad to hear you have unemployment and a book in the works.
Re: the cracked screen, is there any way to just replace the screen? My husband's Motorola phone screen broke and he was able to get a new one. But of course an iPhone is probably, like, molded together or something and it won't work. I haven't yet succumbed to the iPhone for the reason that I don't like AT&T and don't want to switch from Verizon to get one. I have a Blackberry for now.
Maui: I am having trouble with the unemployment office. I guess the rule is: government bureaucracy is the maximum amount of pain that can be inflicted on any one person named charles.
i think there is a way to replace the screen, in fact. I am going to look into it. I have heard that it's like 150$. But yeah if i didn't have an iphone i would have a blackberry. i loved my curve when i had it. I could type super SUPER fast on that thing.
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